


Better Together

by Mileycfan4eva



Category: Chicago Fire, Chicago PD (TV), Law & Order: SVU
Genre: F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-13 01:22:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 16,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29643663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mileycfan4eva/pseuds/Mileycfan4eva
Summary: Distractions are a dangerous event in the fire world. Focused on a personal revelation, Matt misses Sylvie's call of distress. Cruz makes a difficult rescue when Mackey and Brett are in trouble, but his choice of whom to save puts him and Casey at odds. It forces Matt and Kelly to step up as full-time fathers when Sylvie and Shay's lives hang in the balance. Mild cursing
Relationships: Erin Lindsay/Amanda Rollins, Gabriela Dawson & Leslie Shay, Kelly Severide & Leslie Shay, Olivia Benson/Amanda Rollins, Sylvie Brett & Kelly Severide, Sylvie Brett & Stella Kidd, Sylvie Brett/Matthew Casey
Kudos: 3





	1. Confessions and Communion

Fandom: One Chicago

Title: Better Together

Chapter 1: Confessions and Communion

P O V: Matthew Casey

A/N: I own nothing but my own twisted little brain... you can't have that; I don't care how good your lawyer is.Despite ardent and repeated requests, Dick Wolf has still refused to give me the rights to one Chicago, or SVU. Shocking, I know.

"Blessed are you, Lord, God of all creation. We have this bread to offer through your goodness, which earth has given and human hands have made. It will become for us the bread of life." Father Rian McDaniel of St. Malachy Irish Catholic Church raises his hands for those of us in the congregation to reply to his words. "Blessed be God forever."

"Blessed are you, Lord, God of all creation. Through your goodness, we have this wine to offer, the fruit of the vine and work of human hands. It will become our spiritual drink."

"Blessed be God forever."

"Pray, my brothers and sisters, that our sacrifice

may-be acceptable to God, the almighty Father."

Bowing our heads in prayer, I feel the muscles inside my body tense as the service that has already lasted over an hour and a half continues. I know I can't be the only one ready for this service to be over Easter or not. Soft instrumental music plays from the organ only five rows ahead of where I sit in the pew with my family and friends. The rising sun outside of my city that I love Chicago casts a beautiful glow through the sparkling stained glass windows. Old as this Church is dating back to the early 1800's the glass windows are always kept sparkling; something that amazes me even now as a grownup in my early forties having been attending this Church since I was a baby.

There is a powerful aroma of cinnamon and talisman roses, all lining the pews and hanging from beautiful arrangements from the ceilings of rust, yellows, golds, browns, and reds. I haven't been to Church much in the last twenty years, but I wouldn't miss today for anything or anyone. Seeing my triplets receiving their first Holy Communion is something I never imagined would happen, mainly because I never knew I had kids until six-years ago.

"May the Lord accept the sacrifice at your hands.

for the praise and glory of his name,

for our good, and the good of all his Church."

Everyone answers back to Father McDaniel as hundreds of voices rise in an almost angelic out of tune chorus. Yet, there's no dullness to the voices; every single person seems exuberant to be here today after months of being cooped up inside because of the pandemic. Everyone seems excited to celebrate the Resurrectionof Jesus Christ on the third day after His Crucifixion. I'm not sure how the kids aren't fidgeting. They have trouble normally sitting still through dinner, which lasts twenty-minutes usually.

My eyes dart over the kids sitting either in the pew in front of me or beside me as I hear Father McDaniel start the prayer of gifts.

"Holy Spirit, divine Consoler, I adore You as my true God, with God the Father and God the Son. I adore You and unite myself to the adoration You receive from the angels and saints."

Each kid is sitting straight up, their heads all bobbling back and forth, listening eagerly to Father McDaniel. My nine-year-old triplets Cashel Matthew Brett, Levi Braylon Brett, Sorcha Rebekah Brett all softly giggling. The boys are on my right side, nudging each other eyes glisten in wonder and anticipation. Sitting between myself on my left and her mother is Sorcha, whose hand is inside Sylvie Brett's warm palm; Sylvie's head is bent down to whisper something in Sorcha's ear; whatever it is she whispers makes our daughter giggle.

In the front pew Kelly Severide, Stella Kidd; Kelly's mom Jennifer Sheridan sits with Kelly's half-sister Katie Nolan, Leslie Shay, and her two kids with Kelly. Padraigin Benjamin Severide, who likes to be called PB&J, nine-year-olds, the older twin to his sister Peig Rionach Severide by twenty-two minutes.

Next to Sylvie are Erin Lindsay and her girlfriend, Amanda Rollins, with her two kids Benson Cole Rollins, a nine-year-old, and his older sister Echo Isla Rollins fourteen-years-old. Somehow all the kids seem to have more patience than I do; maybe it's because they are all excited about being the subjects of today's services.

I turn to smile at Gianna Mackey, who is sitting with her parents Christina Adriyan Mackey and Alonzo Christian Tajo Mackey, her brother's Tajo and Adrian with Adrian's kids Tina eleven-years-old and TJ Rian, thirteen. Gianna winks at me, her legs bouncing softly, mouth twitching as if she is trying hard not to yawn.

Christopher Herrman and his wife Cindy sit beside Gia, their five kids Lee-Henry eighteen, Luke seventeen, Max sixteen, Annabelle Fourteen, Kenny nine-years-old. Everyone's heads are bowed in prayer. I feel my sister Christie sitting beside the boys with her daughter, eighteen-year-old Violet, hit my side hard, enjoying inflicting the pain as she had as a kid when I would fall asleep in Church.

"O God, who on this day,

through your Only Begotten Son,

have conquered death

and unlocked for us the path to eternity,

grant, we pray, that we who keep the solemnity of the Lord's Resurrection

may, through the renewal brought by your Spirit, rise up in the light of life.

Through our Lord Jesus Christ, your Son,

who lives and reigns with you in the unity of the Holy Spirit,

one God, forever and ever."

"Amen," I catch up flipping through my program as Father McDaniel finishes the prayer and mumble with the rest of the congregation. "At the Last Supper, on the night he was betrayed, our Savior instituted the Eucharistic sacrifice of his Body and Blood, a memorial of his death and resurrection: a sacrament of love, a sign of unity, a bond of charity, a Paschal banquet 'in which Christ is consumed, the mind is filled with grace, and a pledge of future glory is given to us. As such, Eucharist is "an action of thanksgiving to God" derived from "the Jewish blessings that proclaim – especially during a meal—God's works: creation, redemption, and sanctification. So I invite all those who are receiving the first Communion to come forth."

"It's time, daddy!" Sorcha squeals, clapping her hands together, giggling; the sound delights my ears. I watch proudly as she takes her brother's hands, always the little leader walking with them to the altar, meeting Peig and Paddy out in the aisle along with Benson. I see Peig grinning wide at Kelly, who looks to be holding back tears. Stella rubbing his back softly while he tries to fight them off, Shay is openly crying into Erin's left arm. Amanda lays her head on Erin's right shoulder, her eyes are misty, but she isn't shedding tears as she watches Benson walk up the aisle every so often, turning to glance back at his mom as if he's silently saying. Do I have to do this, Ma? Amanda nods, her eyes stiff as they send him a clear message, shut-up, and walk.

"It's super sweet, Matthew, that our kids are best friends." Shay's voice cracks as she speaks to me. I smile softly back at her and fist-pump Kelly, who holds his fist to me to meet. "Yeah, it is Shay. I'm glad they get along so well. I was worried since they are all so strong-willed that they would clash. Still, they are loving being in the same school, same communion class." The kids get closer and let go of each other's hands, placing their hands in a prayer symbol as they single file up towards Father McDaniel.

"Yeah, I'm happy Peig has Sorcha; Peig is too quiet for her own good. Sorcha told you about that bully that has been picking on them?" I shake my head at Kelly, who arches his eyebrow but stops talking as we hear Father McDaniel's voice rise louder. I swear I feel his eyes land directly at me. My face heats up, and I hang my head quickly.

"I am the living bread which came down from heaven. If any man eats of this bread, he shall live forever; and the bread that I will give is my flesh for the life of the world. The Jews, therefore, strove among themselves, saying: How can this man give us his flesh to eat? Then Jesus said to them: Amen, amen I say unto you: Except you eat the flesh of the Son of man, and drink his blood, you shall not have life in you. Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise him on the last day. For my flesh is true food, and my blood is true drink."

"Sylvie, thank you." I reach over and take her hand into mine; she turns to me, confused. "Thank you for letting me be apart of their lives and being an amazing co-parent. I am still in shock that I am a father. I know I shouldn't be since it's been six years, but these kids are perfect. You have raised them to be kind, smart, funny, and loving." Sylvie clasps her right hand over her mouth, tears breaking free, rolling down her cheeks. I pull her close things are still weird since we kissed two months ago; glancing over at Sylvie, I feel my breath intake God, she is gorgeous. Her golden waves tussle down to her shoulders; her creamy alabaster complexion entrances my line of vision; from her pencil-thin sculpted eyebrows still slightly red from being waxed yesterday. I reach towards them to gently smooth a few frizzed-out hairs feeling her tremor under my touch, hearing her breath catch. I pull back, worried I crossed a line, but she remains against my chest silently crying happy tears. Once again I am caught up in her beauty it's more than an outer attraction though Sylvie's beautiful from her inner soul, which shines from her eyes which sparkle with the 'joie de vivre.' Sylvie is always smiling and bouncing with an enthusiasm that is often lost in most adults with youth's passing.

"Matt, you're welcome." her reply is soft-spoken, laced with tears; she's not even trying to hide her innocence. I always admired about her; too many women in the CFD try to play it tough, be one of the boys, and never show emotion. Sylvie is bad-ass; she gets the job done and has faced some of the scariest of situations with balls more significant than some of my men never cringing. Still, she always carries that sensitivity with her. "they are your kids too, and I would have never kept you from them, I know it took some time to tell you when I first came to town, but I was in shock I never thought I would see you again after St. Croix."

"I had been raising them on my own for four-years, seeing you brought back so many feelings, and you were already with Gabby by the time we met again. I had to let go of my dreams of being with you, but I knew I would tell you, and yes, you guessed it quickly, but you were a gentleman and gave me the time I needed to tell you. So Thank You, Matt, and you're welcome."

"It's been beautiful watching you be a father to them, even from afar, and Gabby was an amazing step-mom. I never once questioned your ability to parent; I never questioned her love for the kids, every child needs love, and they can never have too much. Seeing you take each child and develop your own bond, likes, and interests it's more than I could have ever asked for, Matt. They love you, and I am so glad I found you; I know you'll always put the kids first; even if we can't be together, as much as it aches." Her voice drops softer at the last part, breaking my heart.

Forelsket the Norwegians have this word which describes the unexplained feeling of euphoria when falling in love. My emotions are swelling all over the place right now from intense desire so painful every body part is reacting her scent drifting into my senses as she leans her head against my chest, my arm encircles around her shoulders, pulling her body close, praying my own little prayer that she doesn't feel how painful my erection is, god, I do not want to have to go to confession. Butterflies swarmed my stomach. I want to tell her how much she means to me, how she is the one I have thought about for months, not Gabby. Please don't leave me. I still want you! God, I want to scream those words to Sylvie Rebekah Brett; I want to pin her to this pew and kiss her as if today is our last day on earth. I want to make love to her all day and well into the night. I want to marry this woman, have more amazing kids with her, and be the only man who is ever by her side cheering her on in life, picking her up when she is sad.

I stay silent; this isn't the place or time today is about our kids, our amazing beautiful kids we are so blessed to have. I feel her shiver slightly, noticing that the air has been turned on. I slip my blazer off and place it over her shoulders. "thank you, Matt, you wouldn't believe how cold I am; even my pee is frozen in my bladder. Uh, why the air? It's only March, God, and I have to pee so bad too."

Sylvie's tiny giggle is so adorable; her rawness sharing such intimate details undaunted even surrounded by strangers only makes me fall deeper. "I've been avoiding you, so I don't do this." Sylvie's words her lips replay inside my mind the night she pulled me into her apartment, hands so soft, so delicate I was afraid she would snap a finger by the sheer force she pulled me, hands I quickly covered with mine cupping her butt as I lifted her.

"Would you still chose me if Gabby came back?"

"I need space, Matt."

More echoing of our conversations reminding me how stupid I am. Why couldn't I simply say those words to her? Why am I so defensive when Gabby's name comes up? I'm over, Gabby; it's been two years; we've been divorced. "Are you over her?" From this morning, Stella and Christie's words come back as I stare at Sylvie, her eyes looking forward at our kids, who slowly inch ahead to receive their first Communion. "If you were over her, why did you sleep with her last year? Even if you weren't with Sylvie, if you were truly over your ex-wife, why would you sleep with her? It's pretty damn reckless, Matt, the woman, broke your heart, her vagina can't be that damn good, Matt."

"Ask yourself, Matt, what type of woman do you want? Someone who will leave you broken on the floor drunk over the guilt she laid upon you because she wanted her own damn dreams more than the life you two built together. A woman who will tell you to be strong when your heart is breaking, who will except you to be her rock twenty-four-seven, or a woman who will let you fall apart without letting go. Then pick up the pieces, and you make you whole without ever leaving your side or making you feel ashamed?"

"Think about which woman represents that, Matt."

"Matt, ask yourself when the lights come on who sees you as you are, who accepts you flaws and all and never tries to change you. Whose voice is inside your head when you can't sleep at night? Whose touch do you crave? Who leaves you so damn defenseless that the thought of them not being there or thinking of them lying hurt, alone and scared would make you jump out of a moving firetruck?"

"Never stopping to think you could be hurt or caring if you did get hurt because the thought of that person being hurt is so unimaginable the thought leaves you defenseless, bleeding like an open wound in the ocean. You would become a reckless fool, is that person Gabby? Did you ever do that in all the years you dated or were married? Who knows you, the best baby brother? Who would know without you ever uttering a single word how you felt by just looking into your eyes? Who would stop enough to ask, to care?"

"Who trusted you to hold the letter from her birth mother, knowing you wouldn't throw it away even after she ordered you to?"

"Who calls you when their world is falling apart? Who is the first name on your mind, on your lips when you feel broken?"

Damn it! Sylvie is the one on my mind; she's taken everything inside of me till there's nothing left except a light with her name glittering on my mind twenty-four-seven. I know she's the one God sent to be my other half, so how can I make her see this? How can I make her trust me to know she's the only one I want or need?

"Matt." Her voice is barely a whisper, afraid of getting caught, but it's enough to catch my attention to see our kids closer now to Father McDaniel. Our kids, dear Lord, the sound of those two words is so sexy I feel my knees giving out whoever thought being a father could turn a man on; Still, it does I never knew a light so damn bright or a love so powerful as the ones turned up when I first met my kids when they were four-years-old. This loving light only grows more substantial and more powerful each day; it makes me whole brick by brick of their lives laid out with each additional step, accomplishment, or failure. I feel my world being built taller and more fulfilled every second of every day.

Levi, our shy, quite sensitive young man who prefers to be indoors helping his Mama bake or reading a book in the corner of whatever room Sylvie or I am in, our bright, caring young man. He came up with the idea of care packages for the older adults when the pandemic started, who befriends every new kid in school, who asked us to start volunteering at Aids outreach so he could give back to a community often overlooked and shunned. Levi was never a people person, often staying behind the scenes coming up with these ideas doing the work but letting his Mama deliver them because he was so painfully shy. When the summer hit and Foster left, Brett started working additional many hours Levi had to come out of his shell so these people could get his gifts.

He's grown so much since last March till now. I watch him looking nervously around, trying to find a hiding place because he hates face-to-face with authority figures. Levi, our kid who would give the shirt off his back for a stranger who never fails like he's doing enough good in this world, who feels the most untouched by God's hands, he feels like Jesus would be disappointed in him.

Levi is our heart-breaker.

The total 100% opposite of his brother and sister Sorcha, our free-spirited, lively neon rainbow loving child she is fearless and scandalous reckless, always up for the next dare, the most incredible adventure, she's ambitious saucy as the kids today say, always coming up with one viral social media challenge after the next, she makes friends literally at the drop of hello, she's a social butterfly who started her own dance team at the catholic school they go to after she was told dancing for the display of attention was prohibited on school grounds. She got a group of friends to write a new song and choreograph a routine to protest this stupid rule.

Sorcha has taken this newest adventure of being conformed into the Church; the most seriously Holy Communion is the second step after the first confession. Always the leader Sorcha helped her brothers and cousins (the kids consider Peig and Paddy their cousins) learn the bible and the rules for Communion.

Tears roll one by one down my cheeks as I watch Sorcha in her pale pink spaghetti strapped organza dress with a diamond-encrusted bodice; the gown puffs out around her waist and stops shortly before her ankles. Sylvie spent all morning straighten Sorcha's mid-back length hair, sewing flowers/ sequins into the strands. I know because Shay was cursing her out under her breath all morning, trying to duplicate the same style for Peig, who had to match her "girl twin," as they call each other. The only difference between them is Peig's dress is emerald green.

Our boys are all wearing black or Grey single-breasted five-piece tuxedos, each boy has a different colored dress shirt on, nothing as fancy as the girls, but they all look dashing. I spot Cashel strolling confidently up the aisle, and I pray again he doesn't start dancing on top of the altar as if he is an Elton John video as he threatened to do multiple times already.

Cashel, our creative genius kid, is an artist at heart, always coming up with lyrics on the spot for an occasion. He takes every lesson known to the performing world, seven or eight dance classes, vocal and acting lessons. He frequently goes to auditions and strives to find places to perform at nightclubs, hole-in-the-wall dives, schools, parks, festivals. His grind is twenty-four-seven; he's outgoing, flashy, fearless, and always trying to get his friends into forming a band; so far, he's convinced Paddy and Peig into being into one with him.

"This is the Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world. Happy are those who are called to his supper."

"The body of Christ placed on your tongue." Cashel grins and dances a little. Dear God, please do not let him break into song. "Amen, Father." His voice raises jubilantly, which makes Father McDaniel laugh as he presents the chalice to Cashel. "the blood of Christ, drink in remembrance." "Amen, Father."

Cashel bows his head slightly as they taught him, smiles, and twirls away from Father McDaniel. I swear the kid sashays down the aisle. "Dear, Lord, Matthew." Sylvie hisses, her knees shaking. I reach out for her, steadying her, trying not to laugh. "the kid's got flair, babe." "The kid's going to get kicked out of church and shame all of us before he's even ten." Her voice is hinted in laughter, so I know she's not truly ashamed or mad, just embarrassed—Cashel bounds back to us, grinning, singing softly to himself.

"Loneliness was tough.

The most formidable role I'll ever play, being a catholic boy, is the role they gave me.

I will create a superstar, Jesus Christ, in your name.

And pain is the price I pay to be unique; all the papers will know my name.

As the kid who holds himself with grace and creativity a genius before his time.

A candle blowing to his own wind, someday everyone will know our names."

"Cashel, knock it off now." Sylvie hisses; our little drama king huffs, wipes his bow and falls back into the pew as if he's fainting next to Sorcha. "Drama queen." Sylvie mumbles. I pull her closer slowly in case she is uncomfortable. "he's not doing any harm, relax babe, don't make him think he can't be himself; at least he's adding some entertainment to this day." "It's church Matthew, not Saturday night live."

"I know that Sylvie, I'm not taking it lightly but forgive me if I just want our kids to enjoy everything in life. I missed four years of their lives, and I want to savor everything; if I could stop time right now, I would so I could replay this repeatedly."

"I know; sorry, Matthew, our family. I was raised differently. The Church is holy ground, a sacred place we weren't allowed even to talk. Unless spoken to, being a chatterbox had others walking a wide berth around us to sit in a different pew, whispering about how rude and impolite those Brett kids were. We were never allowed to be late; we had to wear our Sunday finest every Sunday, no exceptions. We gave to the Church no matter how poor we were."

"I get it, Sylvie. I know this means a lot to you, especially since your parents were too afraid to travel with COVID. I know you feel as if you have to honor them. I know it hurts that your brothers couldn't make it since they are all overseas."

"Yeah, it does Matt, I'm glad Danielle and the kids made it, but it's not the same without my family. I want them to be proud of our kids for being good, well-behaved Christians. I'm not trying to change our kids; just raise them right to worship the Lord and be respectful."

"I get it, Sylvie, and I'll talk to Cash. Relax, for now, sweetie; we're together. God brought us together after four-years of separation. I am thankful, knowing my kids are a blessing. I don't blame you either, Brett, we were both way too drunk that night, neither of us bothered with last names, I was stupid; I knew the condom broke and I didn't pull out, we were both at fault, and I never called you afterward, if I had I would have known about the pregnancy."

"You were so lucky, Matt, and I never felt it break. I wouldn't have forgiven myself if you had gotten..."

"Shh, honey, relax, I didn't. I'm checked regulatory; it's been nine years, I'm fine. No need to go there, sweetie." I move my hand across her warm cheek, tracing my fingers down her arm till my hands en-cup her hands, bringing them to my lips and kissing her knuckles.

"No more tears Sylvie, today is a day of celebration, love, and gratefulness." the congregation rises as I see the hymn books being pulled out, the last of the kids returning to their pews. Pulling Sylvie's out for her, I wipe away her tears and open to the page. Softly the voices all rise in beautiful harmony following the organ.

"In remembrance of Me eat this bread.

In remembrance of Me, drink this wine.

In remembrance of Me, pray for the time.

When God's own will is done,

In remembrance of me, heal the sick.

In remembrance of me, feed the poor.

In remembrance of me, open the door.

And let your brother in, let him in

Take eat and be comforted.

Drink and remember too

That this is my body and precious blood

Shed for you shed for you.

In remembrance of me always love

In remembrance of me, don't look above.

But in your heart, in your heart.

Look in your heart for God.

Do this in remembrance of Me.

Do this in remembrance of Me.

In remembrance of Me."

"Now, I ask that you remain standing as we say a prayer asking Jesus for strength and giving thanks for those who have made it out today to celebrate his resurrection. A moment of silence following prayer for those not lucky to make it through this past year. Please bow your head in prayer."

"We pray for your love and compassion to abound

as we walk through this challenging season.

We ask for wisdom for those who bear the load

of deciding with widespread consequences.

We pray for those who are suffering from sickness

and all who are caring for them.

We ask for protection for the elderly and vulnerable

to not succumb to the risks of the virus.

We pray for misinformation to be curbed

that fear may take no hold in hearts and minds.

As we exercise the good sense that you in your mercy provide,

may we also approach each day in faith and peace,

trusting in the truth of your goodness towards us."

"Now stay risen as we conclude today's services with

(Song of Solomon 1:1–17; Ephesians 5:22–33)

"Wives, in the same way, submit yourselves to your husbands so that even if they refuse to believe the word, they will be won over without words by the behavior of their wives when they see your pure and reverent demeanor.

Your beauty should not come from outward adornments, such as braided hair or gold jewelry or fine clothes, but from the inner disposition of your heart, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in God's sight... For this is how the holy women of the past adorned themselves. They put their hope in God and were submissive to their husbands. Just as Sarah obeyed Abraham and called him Lord; You are her children if you do what is right and refuse to give way to fear.

In the same way, husbands treat your wives with consideration as a delicate vessel and with honor as fellow heirs of the gracious gift of life so that your prayers will not be hindered.

Turning from Evil

Finally, all of you, be like-minded and sympathetic, love as brothers, be tenderhearted and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this, you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. For,

"Whoever would love life

and see good days

must keep his tongue from evil

and his lips from deceitful speech.

He must turn from evil and do good;

he must seek peace and pursue it.

For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous,

and His ears are inclined to their prayer.

But the face of the Lord is against

those who do evil."

Who can harm you if you are zealous for what is good?

"Go now today into this world with peace in your hearts, love leading your way, and be thankful for he has risen, and he has laid down his life for us to forgive our sins, Children of our savior, our Lord, Jesus Christ."

"Daddy, did you see me up there? I was so brave. I hate crowds, but I remembered everything you and Mama and Father McDaniel taught me, did I do good. Daddy?" Levi's hopeful eyes lift towards me as we exit the Church. "Yes, Son, you did awesomely! I am so proud of you." I lift him, wrapping his legs around my waist as he grins a mile-wide smile which melts my heart. "You are my big sturdy boy who has lived up to his name and joined your mother and me in being a follower, a leader for Jesus' disciples, just as your name says adjoined."

"Yay! I did it! I'm happy I just wanted to make you and Mama, proud."

"Well, you did that, son, now go ahead and play with your video game while we drive home." "Yay, thanks, daddy."

The drive home to the apartment where Kelly, Stella, and I live thankfully takes only a few minutes. Shay's parents have everything set up since they weren't comfortable attending the services with the virus.

"Oh, my God! Nana Shay $300! Thank you! Peig and Paddy both turn, grinning, waving the bills around as they open their cards Aisling and Padraigin Shay grin widely as they hug their only grandchildren. "mom, I told you and daddy not to go crazy. Today is about celebrating Jesus, not money and material objects."

"Hush, now love, my only grandchildren achieved a milestone. I will shower them with gifts as we dang well, please. They worked hard to get here for years; they deserve a little pampering, don't act like you and Megan didn't get gifts either. You girls made out very well."

Shay downcast her eyes, trying to avoid looking at Sylvie or myself, knowing we barely scraped enough money to afford the clothes for today; her parents couldn't make it, my dad's dead, and my mom didn't show up, so our kids will barely get any gifts. Shay's parents are wealthy and barely get to see the kids since they come from St. Louis, so when they come down, it's always an extravagant affair. Sylvie and I offer her a smile, so she knows we're not mad. Kelly's mom comes up behind me, whispering into my ear, "no worries, Matt, I brought some extra gifts. I have the common sense not to give them out to the kids all at once; they'll get them later."

"Thanks, Jenn, we're trying to give them everything we can, but we can barely afford food, clothing, and a roof over their heads on our paychecks."

"Matt, it ain't easy out here, that's for damn sure, but you and Sylvie are doing it right. Keep your head up; these three are great kids."

Sylvie leans into my body as we watch the kids all playing together. "I need to pee so bad excuse me, God, I hate leaving them, though; your shoulder feels so damn good."

"They'll be here when you get back Sylvie, go on and relieve yourself. You're due for your pills soon."

"Uh, yeah, I know, thanks, Matt."

Amanda, Erin come over as Sylvie hurries to the bathroom. "So what's the story there?" grabbing a beer, Amanda smiles as she leans back into Erin's arms. She has a beautiful smile. "Story?" "Yeah, I know about the hookup in St. Croix. Lucky man, you got a beautiful vacation and a little wild west in paradise." I laugh. "But your not together now?" "No." "yet you want to be?" Sipping back the beer, she eyes me as if I had forgotten she is a detective I remember now with that look. "How do you know what I want? You don't know me." "No, but I know eyes, I know how to tell when someone is lying their ass off, oh and hint I don't like being lied to, it pisses me off, and you don't want to piss a true southern gal off, we have a temper."

Her southern accent is stronger the more she drinks, and the damn thing is pretty damn strong to start with, "Want something to eat Amanda?" "yeah, I'm starving, babe, oh strawberries, I like how you think dirty girl." "I just wanted you to eat them, damn Amanda, but if you other uses, teach me, detective, I am an eager learner, and I am horny as well, you know what I want to do."

Erin's laughter is raspy, and light Amanda's cheeks fill with rose color. I can see she's embarrassed but plays along. "I have many talents, many secrets, and am eager to share, as long as you please me later." "I'm all yours, summer peach. First, though, Matthew stop teasing my woman and answer her damn questions; she's a damn bulldog; once she got a hold of the ball, she doesn't let go, and I am horny as hell!" Erin slams back her beer, grabbing another one dancing in the spot she stands to the music playing overhead.

"Damn, you cops never stop, do you?"

"Nope, we go seven days a week, twenty-four eyes, 365 days a year. We're also great problem solvers, so spill or I may just have to please my woman right here, and I know you would like the show, but the kids might not be ready for that sin yet."

"Gross, Erin."

"Yes, I am a dirty cop, and I love it."

"Yeah, how would Hank like to hear you talking like that?"

"Who do you think taught me?"

"Also, Gross, but yeah, I can see that okay fine, just to end this integration now I know how your suspects feel."

"Sylvie has been on my mind for months; I can't stop thinking of her from the first time I met Sylvie. I heard her laugh in the dining hall. It was soft, and it carried through the wind with a beautiful scent of summer-time, cotton candy sweet. I could hear it from outside, up the stairs, in the lobby. I had to find the girl with that laugh, and I swear to God I knew, I felt like if I could make her laugh, I'd have everything I needed."

"After we made love, I went home to Chicago; she went to Indiana, and I realized after a few months of dating. I wasn't happy because I could usually have sex and forget the woman the next day. I couldn't do that with Sylvie; I didn't know her last name or the town she was from, I started searching online, but I couldn't find her, but I had this urge, this unquenchable need to find her. I started having dreams about her, not just wet dreams but dreams of having kids with her dreams of a future. One night, I woke up from a dream where she didn't exist; that was the complete dream. I had this dream where I couldn't find her, and I woke up sweating. I felt like I knew what love felt like, the feeling that you couldn't possibly lose that person."

"Course it wasn't happening, so I learned to move on. I fell in love with Gabby; honestly, I did. Gabby was amazing, but I always felt like something was missing, and by the time she came back, Sylvie, I was serious with Gabby. I didn't want to hurt her, I was shocked to learn I was a father, but Gabby never judged me; she accepted the kids, and Sylvie."

"Sylvie never showed any indication she wanted to be with me, so I chalked it up to a one-night stand. After Gabby left, I was devastated and couldn't think about entering a new commitment. The timing was never right. She feels guilty now because Gabby was her best friend; swears we can't be together."

"So what changed cause what I am reading in your eyes, Matt is regret and hunger. You want Sylvie; you want to be reckless, wild, you want to make love to her, there's a passion in your eyes. It reminds me of Frannie when she sees a bone. Frannie, by the way, is my dog."

Amanda holds up her beer, grinning. "I've been in love before, but I'm not sure if there was ever a specific moment where I just knew.' I think love sort of happens slowly, then all at once. It's like the person is there, they've always been there, but you notice little details about them – the way they laugh when they think something is amusing. How they look in the morning when they're tired and quiet, the small noises they make when they're getting comfortable – these things they've been doing for years they don't even realize they do anymore but are unique to them and new to you. Each moment of discovery increases just how endearing you find them until it builds up and builds up. Then you have no choice but to blurt out "I LOVE YOU!" when doing something mundane together like shopping for glassware at Target or standing in line at a concert. I see that look in your eyes, Matt, you would be happy to have a family with her, and neither of you seems to be in a committed relationship, yet I see something else in your eyes. Pain it's supposed to hurt when you can't have the one person you love more than anything."

"You want so badly to lie down next to her on the couch, to wrap my arms around her and sleep. Not fuck, like in those movies. Not even have sex. Just sleep together in the most innocent sense of the phrase. But you lack the balls. Why do you think you're not good-looking enough? Cause your not, dude, not for someone as gorgeous as Sylvie Brett, and you are hopelessly boring, and she is endlessly fascinating. Look at it this way: if people are like rain, you and I are the drizzles, and she is a hurricane. I know that feeling being in love with someone who is overcast above our shadows."

"Moving on is the hardest part, Matthew, knowing no one in life will ever compare to the radiance she leaves behind, the emptiness, the endless ache. Which makes your heart feel as if a train has smashed into it and completely obliterated your muscles, leaving you wondering how the fuck am I even standing, breathing, thinking, feeling?"

I watch her eyes; she's not looking at Erin, who is in the kitchen. Her eyes are cast off towards the window, and I wonder who she is thinking of that she can't have? "It comes in waves, the letting go part, shattering earth knock you off your feet waves, but each time you learn to balance a little better. It never stops hurtin', but you learn to live with the constant ache, memories fade, the pain remains. A certain smell will bring it all crashing back, a joke she told, or the way someone laughs. You can close your eyes, try to block it out, but that last goodbye is always a bittersweet memory. Months even years can go by, you settle down with someone else, you tell yourself you're happy, that it can never work out anyway because she's your boss, or you're her boss, sorry, little wasted right now." Amanda's cheeks blush a scarlet red, and she throws her head back laughing, thrusting out the beer bottle. I've lost count of how many she's had in the last few hours.

"We kissed a few months back. I suddenly went to her apartment worried cause she had been in an accident the last shift, that's after the shift before where a guy threatened to kill her, held a gun to her head. She had been avoiding me, so I needed to know. Did I do something wrong? We had been working on a friendship for the last two years. It was going so well, so I thought. She told me she had been avoiding me because she was afraid she would do this. Then she kissed me hard, and I gave in. I kissed her back. We undressed, ended up on the couch, and we were going to make love; she asked me to stop, then she asked if I would choose her if Gabby came back to town."

"Lord, I know where this is going. Let me guess; your dumb-ass said something like I haven't thought about her in months, or it's complicated." My throat tightens as I nod, unable to speak. "Lord, you men all think with your penis right, let me guess junior was so enlarged all you wanted was to get laid, and you weren't thinking about how she must have been torn in two. Ripped with guilt because she's about to screw her best friend's ex-husband, whose she's so damn in love with her heart is shattering like glass she's been ignoring it, being the good old girl, and she doesn't want to give herself to someone who will only use her if Gabby came back to town."

"Yes." My voice squeaks as Amanda groans, slapping the back of my head hard. "Ow!" I cry out. She rolls her eyes. "Wake the fuck up, dumb-ass. Damn, I barely know you two, but I can tell you right now the way Sylvie Brett is looking at you; she is so damn in love with you. She's fucking raw her heart is dancing on those shards of glass, on edge, afraid of slipping and getting shredded, afraid not to leap because she'll miss the call of your song; Sylvie is afraid she'll never be good enough to compete with Gabby. Sylvie wants you to be happy, Matt, so much so she'll step aside and let you chase Gabby because if she's the one who makes your heart happy, she'll make fucking sacrifice her own heart so you can have your happily ever after."

"Make the move Matt, she put herself out there, and you devastated her; yet each shift she comes to work, works beside you while her heart breaks more each smile she treats you with respect. You need to make some grand gesture, go all out, tell her how you feel before it's too late. Make sure she knows she isn't in second place or some consultation prize. Don't let her mold herself, so she is left in your shadow; show her she's the one on your mind; her smile is the one who makes your heart beat wildly."

"Amanda's right Matt," Gianna, christie and Stella come over towards us. Stella hands me a beer. "You've given Sylvie a sense of self-confidence that no other man has ever given her; you've prioritized her needs, made her feel like she's mattered. Now you left her in the dust again with two words. It's complicated. It's not though, Matt, maybe the words are failing you in the tongue, but I bet they are there in your heart, find a way to tell her."

"How, though? I get tongue-tied every-time I try."

We stop speaking when Cashel comes over being dragged by Erin. "Wanna tell daddy what your teacher just told me, little man?"

Cashel shakes his head fast, his eyes blazing in fear; Shay is right behind him, dragging Paddy. "Allow me than boys. I promise he'll be madder if Aunt Erin or I have to tell him because you two can't face punishment."

Both boys hang their heads in shame as Kelly comes over, motioned by Stella's fingers. "Padraigin Benjamin Severide, look up at me when you tell me what your teacher told Aunt Erin, and do not even think of lying to me."

Paddy looks to Cash, who looks towards me, exhaling. "We must write a thousand-word essay on beauty. We got a Tier three infraction in school Friday." My mind spins Tier three is the worst infraction you can get. I can see Kelly's face flaming in anger and embarrassment.

"Why did you get an infraction?"

"We were caught engaging in or simulating sexual acts in school. I don't even know what simulating or sex means, daddy!"

"I'm sorry you did what!" Kelly yells, slamming his fist against the counter-top. "Oh, this isn't the best part yet, Kelly. Go on, Son, tell your daddy where you learned this lewd act."

"What's lewd, mean Mama?" Shay laughs. "Oh, you are going to look that word up online and write a two thousand word essay also due to your teacher tomorrow. Both of you, your welcome for the suggestion to your teacher."

"Mama! That's cruel."

"You think that's bad? Tell daddy what you did to see this little trick you brought to school. Wait till you see what his punishment is and then cry to me about unfairness."

"No, Mama, please don't make me."

"Yes, do it, or your two-month punishment will be four, and I am sure Sylvie will back me, Cashel, so one of you spill now."

Sylvie has come up behind me, standing close, arms crossed. "Yes, Cashel, I will back Aunt Shay up so one of you two spill, now." the boys look at each other, clapping their hands together. "Look your father's in their faces when you speak too."

"We're sorry, father-uncle Kelly." Cashel speaks slowly.

Paddy's voice squeaks as he sheepishly recounts what he saw. "I saw you and Aunt Stella Thursday night you were helping her with the Lieutenant exam, with the strawberries." Kelly and Stella's faces suddenly go fire engine red. "Oh, Shit." Stella mutters. "you were using the strawberries to reward her for getting an answer right, but she wasn't eating them. You were putting them down there." Paddy points to his private area.

"She was screaming, squealing, and begging you for more. She sounded happy. So I thought it was something good. When Cara Lee got every answer right on the pop quiz Friday, we waited till free period and told we had strawberries for a reward we saved them from lunch. We really like her, and she said we're cute. She agreed we met in the bathroom, but she brought a friend, Demi, we told them what I saw, and Demi said it sounded gross. We were disgusting, so Cashel called her a fat ugly cow who was trying too hard to be like Demi Lovato but could never measure up to a celebrity because she is a nobody. Nobodies are ugly, not beautiful."

"Oh, Lord, Matthew. You're helping him with that essay, and while you are at it, you and Kelly are both going to sit down with all three boys and go over what it means to be a gentleman. Hey, Amanda, want them to teach your boy too?"

"Son of a bitch, why not? I've tried this little hooligan is still getting suspended in school; maybe I'll send them both to catholic school, give them a good ass whooping. Do they still smack kids with rulers?"

Erin stares at her. "You're not Catholic, your baptist!"

"So, I'll convert just to get these two into the system, so they stay out of the juvie system. Benson got his first communion today, he's committed to the Catholic faith, his daddy is Catholic."

"God, I never thought this day would come." Sylvie slaps me on my back, grinning as she moves closer I sniff her hair smelling Strawberries, dear God, she's trying to kill me, I feel my member tense up picturing doing to Sylvie what Kelly was doing to Stella. I notice Stella has left the group throwing herself on the couch, covering her face screaming into a pillow. While Kelly has grabbed two beers, he hands me one.

"Welcome to Fatherhood, Matthew. It's a roller-coaster ride of highs and very thunderous lows."

"Savor these moments," Sylvie whispers, laughing evilly.

A/N: What story line would readers like to see Gianna involved in? Do you want her with Gallo or someone else? Reviews are inspiring so please be kind and leave one. Thanks you to everyone who follows, favorites or reviews.


	2. Famous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In honor of #PinkShirtDay2021 Matt & Kelly talk to their kids about puberty, sex, #bullyingawareness

Fandom: One Chicago And SVU

Title: Better Together

Chapter 2: Famous

P O V: Sylvie Brett

"Matt, how are we going to talk to these boys? What should we say? They've always been good kids; I don't get how this happened?"

"I don't either, Sylvie, sweetie, but they are kids, and sometimes kids just do stupid things."

"Stupid things, yes, Matt, but to bully another kid, we didn't raise bad kids. We've taught them right from wrong; we showed them the effects of Bullying."

"Sometimes you have to experience something yourself to believe it, Sylvie. As much as I would love to talk more about this, Brett, we've got to get to shift."

“Yeah, I know, Matt, Thanks for letting me crash here last night.”

Matt smiles at me as he hands me a glass of orange juice along with my morning pills and a plate of eggs. My stomach twists hard at the smell of the eggs, so I shove them away, feeling the stabbing in my lower back and stomach twisting painfully. Sucking in my breath so no one sees my pain, I shake my head. "Not hungry, but thanks, I'll take the juice."

"Morning, Erin." Erin smiles, pulling her hair up into a French twist as she enters the kitchen, taking the glass of juice from Kelly's hands. "Hey, I just poured that for myself." "Thanks, Kelly; you are so sweet, giving me the juice you poured for yourself."

“I didn’t you took it!”

"Aw, no tears, baby. Sharing is caring." Kelly's mouth drops open as Erin slaps his ass hard, earning a stern look from Stella. "Morning Olivia, when did you get in?" Erin heads over to Olivia Benson, standing in the living room with Amanda, who is hanging up her cell phone, looking pissed. Olivia's son Noah is sitting on the couch with the rest of the kids, who are all getting ready to go to their Aunt Cindy's while we head to shift.

"Son of a bitch, are you kidding me, Liv?" Amanda's angry tone makes us all look up towards the two of them. "I got in this morning, Erin, and good morning to you too; you look gorgeous." "Aw, thanks, Olivia, so do you, especially after a long flight from New York; what brings you into Chicago? I thought Amanda and I were taking over the case on this end."

“You were that was my goal; unfortunately, things have heated; did you see last night's video?"

"No, Liv, what happened?"

All of us look up as Olivia comes over, pulling out her iPad scrolling through the screen till she gets to the video she wanted. "I want you to keep in mind this is graphic, guys. I don't know how much you are all aware of why Amanda and Erin came to town this weekend, besides the communion, which by the way, congratulations to all your kids." 

“No, we aren't. I mean, we know it's somehow connected to a case you are working on in New York."

“Yes, it is; well, the short version is that there's a Youtuber by the name of ChiTRebellion who we’ve traced back here to Chicago. "Last week, this user issued a challenge to their followers called the Choking Game, which has made its rounds on the internet over the years. Participants intentionally cut off their oxygen, intending to cause euphoria, but most of the time lose consciousness. This user stepped it up and called his challenge the Choke & Shaft. Meaning while the person is unconscious, they have Sex with them. The video which gets the most viral hits is declared a winner, and they get some cash prize sent to them."

"Last week, three teens in Manhattan raped a thirteen-year-old girl as they choked her, she fought back, and one of the teens hit her in the head with a hammer, she died two days ago."

Gasping loudly, I cover my hand with my mouth, seeing the pain on Olivia's face as I am sure she's re-seeing that scene inside her brain on a constant repeat cycle. Only a parent can understand the agony of losing a child; it's what makes our job so much harder knowing it could be our kid one day. "Last night, he or she issued another challenge. A dance challenge to the song Famous by the group Golden Liberty, this challenge aims teens to dance on the roof of a car as it's speeding and do all sorts of stupid tricks like back-flips or handstands. As always, the most viral hits wins a prize."

"I'm afraid to ask Liv, who died?" Erin is the one who asked the question. All of us have gotten up and headed into the living room; my head is spinning; each movement causes more pain to stab along my left side, which only makes my stomach clench tighter.

"Two victims so far, one in Manhattan and one here in Chicago. According to Hailey, the Manhattan teenager is fifteen-year-old Chelsea McDonald; the victim here in Chicago is only nine-years-old. I talked to her last night. She was the first responding detective on the scene; the girl was peer pressured into doing the challenge by several kids who have been bullying her. The girl's name is Demi Grace De León.”

"What?" Every single one of our kids except Noah and Benson all jump up in shock; the look on my daughter's face is pure agony. "Demi's dead? No! No! This is all your fault! Cashel, Paddy! I told you t leave her alone! You couldn't stop, could you? No, you had to be popular!" Sorcha flies off the couch, her hands clenched as she leaps at her brother and cousin. Matt is quicker to react than I am, my head still in a fog. "I hate you! I hate you!"

Shay and I exchange a quick look as we head over to the couch to comfort both our girls Peig runs straight into her mother's arms, bursting into tears. "No! She can't be dead, mommy, she can't! Demi was so sweet she was battling leukemia she was bald all the kids made fun of her except Sorcha and I, we befriended her, she was super sweet and so talented, how could someone do this to her? Why would someone be so stupid to follow this challenge? You have to find this user, Aunt Erin. You have to get justice for Demi."

Letting out a deep breath, I go over to Cashel, who is standing at the edge of the couch ashen his body shaking in shock at his sister's rage. Quickly I throw my arms around his body, his little voice barely a whisper. "Mama, I didn't mean for anything to happen to her. I was just mad she called us stupid. We're not stupid. We only did what we saw Uncle Kelly do to Aunt Stella. Where did we go wrong? If it's okay for Uncle Kelly to touch Aunt Stella down there, why isn't it acceptable for Paddy and me to touch a girl down there? Why are we the stupid ones?" Stroking my son's tear-filled face, I look up at Kelly, Shay, and Matt. "We need to talk to them now." "Agree, Sylvie. We have at least an hour before the shift. Let's head to the firehouse, and we can talk there."

"Amanda, I think we should join them since I know the boy's teacher Mrs. Gomez just called you."

"Yes, she did, and you're right. We need to talk to them."

"Mama, I don't want to go to Aunt Cindy's. Can I please stay at the firehouse with you, daddy, today? I'll be good, I promise. I don't want to be alone today." Sorcha's eyes look up and plead with Matt and me. Looking towards him, since he's the captain, I see him nod. "I'll talk to chief Peig. Do you want to stay as well?"

"Yes, please, uncle Matt."

The ride to the firehouse is quiet first shift is out on a call, and the rest of the second shift beside Gianna hasn't gotten here yet. We file into Matt's office since he has a bigger office than Kelly. Raising an eyebrow, Gianna looks at us as we enter. I motion for her to come inside, filling her in on the way inside. She nods. "Tina knew the girl as well. She's pretty torn up over Demi's death. I spent all night comforting her, but how do you explain death to a child?"

"It's not easy, Mackey. It never is. Try having the sex talk with your kids in the same conversation as the death talk."

"Oh, girl, no, just no,"

"Yeah, well, welcome to my life."

Once everyone is settled, I turn to Kelly since his actions started this. My head is pounding so hard even the sunlight coming in from the windows is killing my brain. Pulling a blanket over my body, I snuggle under it with Sorcha and Peig, and Shay. Leaning my head against Stella's shoulder, I feel her snake an arm over my waist. "You feel warm, Sylvie." "Thanks, you feel amazing too, babe." "I meant fever warm." "Oh, right, of course, yeah, not feeling so great."

Kelly's nervousness is almost laughable, considering he has seven pairs of tiny eyes all shifting up to him as they sit Indian-style on the floor. "Jesus, I never thought I would have to have this talk at nine-years-old."

I slap his back. "Next time, close and lock the door, buddy."

"Not helpful, Sylvie."

"Daddy, I'll make this easier for you. We got in trouble for a tier-three infraction for simulating or performing a sexual act. So what is Sexuality? What is simulating?" 

"Right, okay, sure I can do this. So Sexuality isn't just about Sex. It's also the way a person feels about their developing body. And it’s how we as people understand and express feelings of intimacy, attraction and affection for others, and how we all develop and maintain respectful relationships.”

“What's intimacy, Mama?" Noah raises his hand towards Olivia, whose cheeks fill with lovely but bright rose color. "Good question, Noah; intimacy involves feelings of emotional closeness and connections with another person.”

“How much do you kids know about puberty?”

Each child looks to another child, all wearing a look of what the fuck on their faces. Sighing, Kelly runs his hands through his hair, muttering. "I am so never getting laid again, FML." "Okay, so Puberty is a natural development we all go through as we grow up; it happens through most of your childhood and teenage years."

"Yeah, it sucks ass too," Echo mutters, earning a hard slap from Amanda to the back of her head. "Language Lord, child, where did you learn o curse like that from, huh?" All heads turn to Amanda as if to say, really, Rollins? Her checks quickly join Olivia's to win the race of scarlet coloring contest. "Girls and boys all have different changes that they go through; I'll talk to you about what boys go through than Amanda can tell you about girls."

"Jesus, thanks, why me? I already had this talk with my daughter; it's why she has no interests in Sex, kissing, or anything involving hormones, right sweetheart?"

"I don't know, Ma, why don't you ask my therapist? I'll be seeing her till I'm dead, thanks to the emotional scars you inflicted on me with that talk."

"Well, at least one Rollins is seeing a therapist; maybe you can talk your mother into going."

“Ha-ha funny, Olivia."

“I'll gladly do the talk on sex, Amanda; wanna take the bullying talk?"

"That I can do, Shay, thanks."

"Wonderful, anyone wanna take over this talk, Matt, maybe?"

"Nice try, brother, Nah, you got this, buddy."

Matt lightly slaps Kelly's back, chuckling as Kelly stutters, taking a sip of his water. "Okay, great, not how I wanted to start my morning, but okay, I got this, I can race into burning buildings, I can talk to my son and his friends about puberty, no big deal."

"How did Benny talk to you, Severide? Think back to that talk."

"Bro, you've met my dad, right? He didn't have that talk with me; he threw a pack of condoms at me at age eleven and said, don't screw up, buddy. I never saw him again till I was in my twenties."

“what are condoms, dad?" "I'm getting there, buddy. Okay, sure, I got this, I'm glad I get to have this talk truthfully, I had a lot of questions when I got older, and I had no one to turn to. It would help if you didn't have to deal with that, Paddy. I want you, Cashel, Levi to know Matt, and I are always here when you are confused or scared or have questions."

“Mama.” Noah raises his hand again. “Who do Benson and I go to when we have questions? We have no father figures in our lives.”

Noah's question breaks all of our hearts. I watch Olivia swallow and look at Amanda. "Noah, I am sorry you feel that way, but you have uncle Fin, Uncle Sonny, Amanda, and I as well as Kat; we may not be males, but we can answer almost any question."

"Or you can call one of us, Noah if your mommy doesn't mind. We're always here." Kelly is quick to reassure Noah, who nods, pulling his knees to his chest.

"Okay, boys, let's go over a few basic facts; you all know boys and girls have different body parts, correct?"

"Yeah, girls have mounds of bushes, and boys have ding-la-lings.”

Paddy's comment makes all of us laugh, covering our mouths. His little face is glowing because he thinks he just answered the golden question correctly.

“Not quite, son, but close girls have a vagina, and boys have a penis." "The penis is made up of two parts: the shaft and the glans. The shaft is the main part of the penis, and the glans is the tip (sometimes called the head). At the end of the glans is a small slit or opening, where semen and urine exit the body through the urethra. The inside of the penis is made of a spongy tissue that can expand and contract.”

“All boys are born with a foreskin, a fold of skin at the end of the penis covering the glans. They circumcise some boys, a doctor or clergy member cuts away the foreskin."

"A penis is usually soft; as you get older, though, you'll experience an erection. An erection is when the penis gets hard or stands up straight. The first sign of puberty in boys is usually that their testicles get bigger, and the scrotum thins and reddens pubic hair also appears at the base of the penis."

“Most men's view about their penis is formed during childhoods, so I want to talk to you boys about this. Your penis will become your best friend, so always treat it with respect. It's okay to look at it and exam it, as long as you do it in the privacy of your bedroom or the bathroom. At some stage, most boys get out a ruler or a tape measure to find out how long their penis is. There's little point in doing this when the penis is limp because the length of a flaccid penis can vary significantly, for example, depending on how cold the room is. To get a precise measurement, do it when you have an erection. It is standard to measure the penis on the top side, from the base to the tip.”

“You will each experience puberty at your own pace. Don't rush it; enjoy being kids. During puberty, a person goes through many physical, emotional, and social changes. Boys usually begin puberty between the ages of 9 and 15, and it may take five to seven years for all of the changes to occur. The most obvious of these changes include a growth spurt; the voice becoming deeper; shoulders becoming broader; hair growth on the face, around the genitals and underarms; and the genitals growing larger. Some boys may experience acne, and their sweat may develop a strong odor. Some may also experience slight breast growth that can be embarrassing but usually resolves on its own. Don't feel as if you are abnormal if your friends or brother start to experience it earlier than you, and don't judge them if they experience it later than you do. Everyone is unique and should be celebrated for their individuality."

"During puberty, testosterone triggers the testicles to start making sperm, so the penis can now ejaculate. During puberty, some boys experience wet dreams or nocturnal emissions when ejaculation occurs spontaneously during sleep. Wet dreams are expected, though not everyone has them. Many boys also undergo spontaneous erections during puberty. Again, it's normal if you do and typical if you don't. The emotional changes associated with puberty may include having intense mood swings and new sexual and romantic feelings. 

Boys' relationships with their parents, siblings, and friends may also your friends. Young men going through puberty may feel embarrassed, nervous, self-conscious, and excited by all the changes they are experiencing. Having a wide range of feelings about puberty is completely normal. Do not be afraid to talk to us or ask questions, but please google nothing; there's a lot of misinformation out there."

“What are testicles and testosterone?” Cashel asked, buffering Kelly; I cover my hand over my mouth, holding my stomach, feeling myself having to cross my legs, so I don't accidentally pee a little. Kelly's color deepens as he pulls out his phone and searches for an image that isn't too graphic. "I want you girls to pay attention to, so it educates you. You girls need to know not only about your own reproduction stages and bodies but about the boys as well."

“The testes, also known as testicles or male gonads, lie behind the penis in a pouch of skin called the scrotum.” Kelly points to the various body parts as he talks to the boys sitting in front wide-eyed, looking a little green.

"The testes move freely in the scrotum, but each testis is attached to the body wall by a thin cord called the spermatic cord, which passes through a cavity in the pelvis and into the abdomen. The cord contains the nerves and blood vessels for the testes and the vas deferens, which carries the sperm from the testes into the urethra; the urethra is the passageway for sperm to the outside of the body at ejaculation.”

“Testosterone is the hormone that causes boys to develop deeper voices, bigger muscles, and body and facial hair. It also stimulates the production of sperm, which is a male reproductive cell that can unite with an egg cell to form a new individual cell.”

“Did you know that some children your age masturbate? That means touching your own genitals in a way that feels nice. Masturbating is a private activity that some people choose to do. Have you heard anything about masturbation?’

“No, Daddy." Paddy shakes his head.

“My mind is blown." Levi makes an explosion sound which makes all of us laugh, including Kelly. "As you get older, you'll have romantic or sexual feelings for people, you may have them for girls, or you may have them for boys or even both genders."

"No matter who you are attracted to, it's perfectly normal. Do not let anyone ever tell you any differently."

“You mean likes Aunt Erin likes Amanda, and you like Aunt Stella, Daddy?”

"Right, Paddy, and when you have feelings like these, they can overwhelm you, and you'll want to show the person you like how much they mean to you. Now you can do this through cards, talking, texting, sending them gifts, or complimenting them. You can also do it in a more grown-up fashion, such as Sex. Sex is when two people like each other and want to be sexual, meaning they want to kiss and touch the person they like in private places."

“Sex and masturbation are not shameful. They are normal parts of growing up as long as you do them in the privacy of your room, or the bathroom, never at a sleepover or at school, even fooling around with friends is normal as long as you get consent which means the other person clearly states it’s okay for you to touch them.” 

“When you kiss, it can make you excited we call that arousal. How much do you know about pregnancy?"

"It's when a woman is going to have a baby; they grow it in their stomach." Cashel is the first to answer. "Like when Mama's cattle Spotty had a calf last year."

"Right well, when a man likes a woman, he puts his penis into a girl's vagina, and his sperm is released inside when his sperm meets a woman's eggs in a woman’s ovary, they can join and fertilize, which is how a baby is made. It doesn't happen every time, but if you don't use protection when engaging in sexual activity, it can happen."

"How do you protect yourself, daddy, and when is a normal age to have sex?"

Matt pulls out a condom from his pocket, which makes me wonder why the hell he is carrying a condom in his work pants. Did he except to get lucky on a call? Closing my eyes, I stifle a yawn, feeling sleep taking me over. Why am I so damn tired when I slept throughout the night except for the five times I got up to pee?

“When a girl develops, she'll experience changes such as breast development  
Pubic or underarm hair. Rapid height growth a growth "spurt, acne body odor vaginal discharge or bleeding. It's normal for breast buds sometimes to be very tender or for one breast to develop several months before the other one. Pubic hair also grows, and some girls may notice more hair on their legs and arms. When you get to thirteen, you might shave your legs and underarms; Sylvie, Gianna, I am are here when you want to start. We can show you how to do it properly, so you don't hurt yourself."

"Around two years after beginning puberty, girls usually have their first period. A period or menstrual cycle happens every month. It's gross and messy but normal; you'll bleed for an average of seven to fourteen days. When you have that happen, it will take you out to buy sanitarian pads and teach you how to use them."

“Most girls gain weight, which is normal as their body shape changes–girls develop more body fat along their upper arms, thighs, and upper back; their hips grow rounder, and their waist gets narrower. Never make fun of anyone who may have more weight than you or weigh less; every person's body is unique."

“Amanda, want to take over?"

Shaking my head, I rub my eyes, looking at Stella, whose eyes are glued to me. "shit." I mutter. "How long was I out for, Stella?" "Ten minutes, babe, you okay?" "Yeah." I yawn, stretching, feeling a sharp pain in my side again., letting out a quick breath, I try to keep the hissing to a minimum, but she hears it anyway. I see the questioning look she gives me as I sit up, curling my knees to my chest, which feels tighter. I shake my head, not wanting to get into this right now.

"Sure, thanks, Shay. First off, I want to talk a little more about consent and the age of consent. Each state is a little different in Chicago, New York. It's seventeen, meaning that if you are sixteen and someone older than seventeen wants to have sex with you or touch you in a private place, they aren't allowed. It's illegal, and they can go to jail even if you say yes; you aren't old enough to say yes until you are seventeen-years-old or older legally."

"If they have touched you, that's called sexual assault, if they have sex with you or you are seventeen/ older and have sex with someone under seventeen, that's called rape, and it's punishable with jail time."

“Adults like sex because it can be a pleasurable thing to do in private when you’re in a healthy relationship.”

"Do you have sex, Mama?" Benson's question makes Amanda's face flame so brightly I am amazed she doesn't burst into flames. "Yeah, mama, answer the young man." "Lord, this ain't embarrassing enough without my boss sitting next to me."

"Hey, Amanda, we're both grown women. Don't be embarrassed; we work in a sex crimes unit. Nothing will shake either of us. It's a normal part of human nature. Yes, Benson, both your Mama and I enjoy healthy sexual relationships. Your mom and Aunt Erin touch each other and please each other in private. 'Sex is a private activity for people who are old enough. The right age to have Sex is different for different people. When do you think might be the right age for someone?'

"Seventeen because it's the age for consent." Sorcha is quick to answer. "That's correct for consent. You may feel ready younger than seventeen, but if you have those feelings, please talk to one of us; when you are too young Sex can be uncomfortable you might regret giving away your body to someone. Your body is your temple. Protect it because bad things can happen if you aren't ready or don't have the information you need to protect yourself."

"Like what, Aunt Olivia?"

“Having a baby when you aren’t old enough to take care of one or contracting an STD.”

“What’s an STD or STI?”

“STD stands for sexually transmitted disease, STI means sexually transmitted infection. Essentially, the difference is between a disease and an infection.”

"Not all diseases begin with infections, but many do. Sexually transmitted diseases first begin as sexually transmitted infections. Infection occurs with the sexually transmitted bacteria, or virus first enters the body and begins multiplying. Once the sexually transmitted bacteria or viruses have entered the body, the infection may progress into a disease. The disease occurs when this foreign presence officially disrupts the body's normal functions and processes."

“Like Aids, right, Aunt Olivia?" Levi's question startles me. I know he volunteers at the aids outreach center, but I did not know how much he knew about the disease. My heart squeezes hard, and I feel my breath catch inside my throat. "Correct, Levi. Do you know what Aids stands for or how you can contract the disease?"

“HIV stands for human immunodeficiency virus. It's a virus that attacks cells that help the body fight infection, making a person more vulnerable to other infections and diseases. It is spread by contact with certain bodily fluids of a person with HIV, most commonly during unprotected Sex, Sex without a condom, or through sharing injection drug equipment. We can also pass it in veto through a woman's womb to her baby."

"Wow, very good, Levi; I am very impressed." "Thanks, Aunt Liv. I also know if left untreated, HIV can lead to the disease AIDS acquired immunodeficiency syndrome.”

"The human body can't get rid of HIV, and no effective HIV cure exists. So, once you have HIV, you have it for life."

"That sounds awful, isn't that the gay disease? Aren't all people who have that disease like people who sell their bodies or junkies?" Cashel's attitude startles me, leaving me shell-shocked. "Where did you hear that garbage from, Cashel?" Matt's angry tone makes me cringe even more; my stomach clenches so tightly I audibly gag, making Stella sit up straighter and grab the garbage can, shoving it under my face. I feel my body rush in a sudden heatwave as the first round of vomiting takes hold of me. I'm unable to fight it off and finally give in to the urge. Stella rubs my back, cradling back my hair as a few tears fall down my face.

"TV daddy, I saw an interview with a cop from the NYPD. His name was Elliot Stabler. I believe he said only homo's, fags, and whores got AIDS. I looked it up. Homo means someone who likes someone else of the same Sex, like Aunt Shay and Aunt Erin." Shay and Erin both gasp. I see Shay's face pale considerably, and she shakes in shock at her nine-year-old nephew using such vulgar words. Erin wraps her arms around Shay's shoulders. I see Amanda rub her back as Shay tries to control her breathing.

I saw whore means someone who has Sex with multiple people, I didn't know what Sex was till now, so I asked if that's true if only whores and homo's get Aids or HIV.”

"First off, Cashel, stop watching the damn news. It's garbage and you're too young to understand half of what is on it, and second off, that Elliot dude sounds like a genuine piece of a shit cop, a half-bred of ignorant and stupid."

"He is, trust me, and I know first hand." Olivia mutters, causing Amanda and Erin to arch their eyebrows. "what's a half-bred daddy?"

"Never mind Cashel, I'm sorry I snapped. I know you are trying to understand all this. I know it's scary. Let me start by saying you are never to use those words again. They are disrespectful and rude. You need to learn the facts and why they are disrespectful. We talked about Sex and liking someone right."

"Yes, daddy. A man likes a woman, so he puts his penis into her vagina."

“Correct, Cashel, well, sometimes people like someone of the same Sex. The correct term is homosexual, but individually a lesbian is a female homosexual: a female who experiences romantic Love or sexual attraction to other females. Your Aunt Shay is a lesbian, and she's a beautiful woman inside and out. She's loving, smart, sweet, always ready to help out anyone who needs help, she's an amazing cook, she's funny, and she's been a second mother to you, so do you think she would deserve to get a disease like HIV or Aids?"

"No, daddy, I don't."

“Do you look at her any different because she likes women and not men?”

"No, daddy Aunt Shay is outstanding. I'm sorry, Aunt Shay. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings."

“It's okay, Cashel; I know it confuses you, and thank you for apologizing."

“Yes, son, thank you. I am proud of you now, as I was saying."

"Gay is a term that primarily refers to a homosexual person or the trait of being homosexual. Gay is often used to describe homosexual males, but lesbians may also be referred to as Gay."

“Bisexuality is romantic attraction, sexual attraction or sexual behavior toward both males and females, or romantic or sexual attraction to people of any sex or gender identity; Aunt Erin is bisexual.”

"Transgender is an umbrella term for people whose gender identity differs from what is typically associated with the Sex they were assigned at birth. It is sometimes abbreviated to trans.  
Transgender is when someone's identity inconsistent or not culturally associated with the Sex they were assigned at birth we call the gender assigned at birth cisgender."

"Pansexuality, or omnisexuality, is sexual attraction, romantic love, or emotional attraction toward people of any sex or gender identity. Pansexual people may refer to themselves as gender-blind, asserting that gender and Sex are insignificant or irrelevant in determining whether they will be sexually attracted to others."

“So why did that cop say those mean things on TV?”

"Cause he's stupid and uneducated, Cashel."

"Amanda!" She shrugs at Olivia. "what he is sorry I know he's your ex-partner, but you are much better off without his lame homophobic, prejudice butt in your life; you've grown Olivia, and no offense, he wasn't there for you the last ten-years when you needed a friend."

"Very true, okay, fine, will table this discussion for now."

“Some people carry homophobic attitudes because of their religious beliefs; however, it should be noted that not all religious people are homophobic. Some large Christian religions still teach that marriage can only occur between a man and a woman. The Old Testament says that homosexual Sex is a sin. Orthodox Islamic and Jewish texts also advise against homosexual activities."

“So are you sinning, Mama?"

Shay bites her lower lip at Peig's question. "No baby, because God said we should love everyone and not judge anyone, so, therefore, I am following his word."

"Sometimes people can take their hate too far. Homophobia is individual behavior based on personal homophobia. This hatred or dislike may be expressed by name-calling, telling "jokes," verbal and physical harassment. It's painful and humiliating to be judged by someone else because of who you like. The LGBT community has faced a lot of discrimination over the years, so for many of the words like faggot or homo is hurtful and insensitive."

"It's considered an act of Bullying, another subject we want to talk to you all about, Amanda. Sorry, I took over your portion."

“No problem Matt.”

“Bullying is when you make fun of someone because of what you considered different it could be the clothes they wear, the activities they like, how they talk, walk or look. Bullying can come in all forms, physical, verbal, and even cuber-bullying; Bullying can affect mental, physical, and emotional health during school years and into adulthood. It can lead to physical injury, social or emotional problems, and sometimes, even death. Bullied children and teens are more likely to experience depression, anxiety and sometimes long-term damage to self-esteem."

"I want to ask you, Benson, why did you start teasing Riley? Don't lie to me either your teacher called and told Aunt Olivia how you and Noah are bullying the new boy Riley moved to New York from Ireland last month. Do you understand that moving to a new place is scary, especially in a new country where the grammar may be different? Riley's dad was killed in Afghanistan, serving the United States of America. He died a hero, Riley's mom died of cancer last year, he has been sent here to live with his Aunt, but as much as I know, he feels his Aunt's Love I'm sure he's scared and feeling alone in a new country a new school, having no friends."

"Then why did he make fun of Noah for liking dance?"

"I don't know, sweetie. Did you ask him?"

"No, he came up to Noah and said he had had a puss face. So I hit him and shoved him down, I started making fun of his accent, and all the other kids joined in. I told him not to mess with my friend. But he kept saying it, so I kept mocking him. I know it ain't right, but neither as he Mama."

“Liv, you said he’s from Ireland?”

"Correct, Shay." shay groans. "Benson, did he say it like take that puss off your face?"

"Yeah, it means pussy. He's calling Noah a fag for liking ballet. Noah ain't gay, and even if he was so what he could like who he wants, it's his right as a human being. You all just said so yourselves."

"Yes, we did, and you are right, except in Ireland, puss means sour face as in you have a scowl or a frown on your face. Were you upset about something, Noah?"

“Yeah, our teacher gave us a bucket load of homework, and I had two hours of dance that night. I would never get it down and get to sleep on time."

“Oh, crap, that sucks. I'm in trouble, aren't I, Mama?"

"Oh, yeah, you are, son, because you could have come to your Aunt Liv or me. You could have asked Echo for help or your teacher. Never under any circumstances is it okay for you to put your hands on another child's body. Never are you allowed to hit anyone else unless you are in trouble and someone is hurting you?"

“Will discuss your punishment later Benson, I am very hurt by your actions and dishearten. I didn't raise a bully; I was bullied when I was younger, brutally. The popular girls at school spread very vicious rumors about me; my friends stopped hanging out with me, I was physically assaulted, punched, had my hair ripped out. They scratched me till I bled. They laughed at me some days; it was so bad I locked myself in the bathroom to eat lunch by myself, cry, or throw-up."

“I tried to block them out by its hard when everyone stares at you, whispers, points, and spits at you when teachers ignore it or tell you to man up; Bullying happens. It's a part of growing up; take it and deal with it; it'll make you a stronger person."

"They're wrong. It's not normal, and I felt isolated and scared every day. It destroyed my self-esteem. I hated everything about myself, my hair, my eyes, my body, my brain. When I started questioning my Sexuality, I was so ashamed of my thoughts, feelings. I became very depressed, feeling like I was the freak they made me out to be, unlovable. So I acted out in defiance started doing some very unhealthy things to myself."

"Like what, Mama?"

Amanda chews on her lower lip, debating if she should keep talking or dumb it down. Olivia rubs her back softly than hr leg. Amanda's eyes drift down to her arm, where a white tattoo spelling out her name is etched into her skin, looking at Amanda in shock. "Smoking, self-harm, I started cutting myself because I didn't think living was worth it anymore. I couldn't turn to my family because, well, you know them, they aren't fit to take care of themselves, never mind a child. I started having unprotected sex, I let guys and girls use me, I started drinking heavily. I was lucky I was smart and able to keep up with my grades. Till I could get the hell out of Loganville and go to college, where things got better, I got this tattoo to remind myself I am not the names or labels people tried to plaster me with, I am Amanda, and I am enough."

"Not every kid is strong enough to endure the suffering I did, though, sometimes people are bullied so badly, they take their own life, do you ever want to be the kid who hurt someone so badly, they don't want to live anymore? Can you imagine feeling so sad that nothing brings you happiness anymore?"

The kids all shake their heads. Sorcha and Peig have tears streaming down their faces. "That's how Demi felt, isn't it?"

"Honey, I can't tell you how she felt because I never got to meet her, but I am sure it didn't feel good; she had leukemia, you said, right?" "Yes, Ma'am."

"Cancer is terrifying. You feel sick all the time, weak; you spend a lot of time alone in the hospital. Taking medicine that makes you sicker and your hair falls out, imaging the medicine you have to take to stay alive makes your hair fall out. And your peers make fun of you. Pretty horrible, isn't it?"

"Yeah, it is Aunt Amanda. We didn't mean to make Demi feel bad, and I was just so mad because she called me stupid. I'm not stupid, and I'm one of the top students in a class. I got so angry I spoke without thinking, it wasn't nice. I wish I could tell her I am sorry, but it's too late now."

"Yes, it is. You'll have to live with that regret, I'm afraid, for the rest of your life, but you have all of us to talk to Cashel. Don't be afraid to come to us."

"Maybe you can't make it up to Demi Cash, but maybe there's something else we can do to help others understand bullying is wrong, and maybe you can start by apologizing to Cara."

"Yeah, maybe, but how Sorcha?"

"Mama, Demi took medicine because she had Cancer, why do you take all the pills? Why do I have to take that yucky medicine? Do we have Cancer? Why hasn't our hair fallen out like Demi's?"

My throat tightens. I feel my breath quicken; the question I never wanted to answer is here before I lie to Cashel? Tell him the truth. Can he handle any more news? I look at Matt's face to see what he wants to do. His eyes are conflicted.

“Ambo 61, truck 81, Engine 51, Squad 3 active shooter.”

Loud banging on Casey's door startles us all as Cruz yells out. "Yo, that's us. It's time, guys; we need to roll! I called Mackey's mom to watch the kids. She's on her way to get the kids.” Cashel looks at me and nods; he understands that the conversation will have to wait; after all, he's a first responder kid if there's anything these kids know is waiting. 

“Work on your essay's boys; I'll look at them when we get back."

"Okay, daddy, be safe. I love you!" Both boys yell out as we race out towards our rigs. I'm saved by the bell this time, but I know I can't avoid the question forever. I glance at Matt as we race to the apparatus floor; he smiles at me and mouths. "Will talk later. Real never waits, Sylvie."

God, I love that man so much. I wish he would love me back as much as I love him. "I'm driving Sylvie." I hand Shay the keys without questioning, too tired and in too much turmoil to care either way, which drives. It's reckless how much I love Matt. He leaves me defenseless, closing my eyes as I slide into the passenger seat, and Gianna climbs in back. I feel Matt's hands on my body the night we kissed, the night he held me two months ago, his fiery breath blowing across my cheeks. I remember that day so damn clearly how he came to my apartment looking torn up because I had been ignoring him. He seemed so lost and so sweet. I remembered the first time we ever met in St. Croix, and we were just young kids then, lost and devastated by the loss of his girlfriend Hallie, me by my brother; we trusted each other with our feelings, knowing we would never see each other again. We shared an intimate connection from the first moment we held hands on that beach when we were paired as partners for surfing lessons.

We sucked.

We kissed.

It was magic.

Two months ago was so different we weren’t kids then, we are two consenting adults with kids jobs we love, and lives we have built all here in Chicago, we have a lot more to lose, so why did we start something knowing we can't possibly finish? How stupid am I for thinking it could ever work? Why do I let this damn man swallow me whole, like a fire fully engulfing its destruction?

I shake silently, thinking of how amazing it would feel to be engulfed in Matt's arms fully, but it can't happen, not till he gets over whatever fetish he has with Gabby. If that ever happens, I will run to him entirely. I will give myself to him freely, and I want to feel his fingers run through my hair. I want to feel his kisses slowly burn my skin like a slow burn fire.

Matt turns me on; he gives me life, makes my heart beat faster, and my dreams more vividly colorfully. My mom's words echo back to my brain as I close my eyes, trying to regain focus will be on the scene soon enough. I have to focus. I can't let my thoughts run away like a train. "Pleasure of Love lasts but a moment. The pain of love lasts a lifetime. The heart will break, but broken live on."

"Very true, Sylvie, but sometimes good things fall apart, so better things can fall together. Have faith, sweetie; I mean you and Matt to be. I promise you life will work out, have a little hope, patience, faith, and by the grace of God, you'll see the fruits of your labor."

I didn't even know I had spoken aloud until Shay answered me, but I'm comforted by her words. Gianna says from the back, startling me. I forgot she was there. "If I speak in the tongues of men and angels but have not to love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal."

"If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains but have not to love, I am nothing."

"If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames but have not to love, I gain nothing."

"Love is patient, Love is kind. It does not envy, and it does not boast. It is not proud."

"It is not rude, and it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs."

“Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.”

“It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

“Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.”

"For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears."

“When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.”

“Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.”

"And now these three remain faith, hope, and Love. But the greatest of these is Love."

“1 Corinthians 13, my favorite quote.”

A/N: Next chapter which P OV do you prefer Cruz or Mackey? Should I have them being together as teens and Cruz torn between his crush on her or loyalty towards her brother and the bro code?


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